Taking a Leap of Faith

"For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?'  And whenever the answer has been 'NO' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something."  

Steve Jobs

Who is that chubby older lady with the dark circles around her eyes and the silver roots in her hair?  I had become unrecognizable to myself.  Over the last 2-3 years, I gained weight, was beyond tired, and had little to no motivation to do more than work.  Up at 430am and home after 6pm only to finish my paperwork, go to bed and do it again.  Of course I had no energy.  There was just nothing left and then... I had a vision.  It wasn't just that fat old vision either.   

I knew how I wanted to live my life and I was far from that.  One day I was just hit with a clear plan of what I needed to do and why.   In truth, the destination was more clear than the plan.  It wasn't the fault of anyone or any job and it wasn't a wrong career choice all these years.  It just wasn't right for me any more.  I devoted years to a career- a calling- really.  I loved it but after so many years (40!) it was just wasn't enough.  It hasn't been enough for many years because I missed being creative.   Somewhere along the way I sold out important aspects of my personality in order to make a living and it just wasn't working.   I wasn't honest enough with myself when I looked in the mirror everyday the way Steve Jobs describes.  I lied to myself, but not anymore.

 How did I get so far away from myself?  Why did I get so far away?  Why do any of us?  It's simple and beautiful.  And, you'll need to wait for another post to learn these answers.